Good Writing: Examples from Helen Simonson

I know I have a bad habit of pointing out the words "something" or "somehow" and commenting in a critique about how they shouldn't be used because they offer no picture to the reader. Here is an example of how one writer, Helen Simonson, first time author of Major Pettigrew's Last Stand and New York Times Bestseller, got past that by using the word "perhaps" and defining the possibilities:

"Something--perhaps it was the quality of the light, or the infinite variety of greens in the trees and hedges--never failed to fill his heart with a love of country that he would have been embarrassed to express aloud."

In addition, I like Simonson's minor way of interjecting character description as a boost to action, instead of making it the sole purpose of the sentence. Here are a few examples:

Major Pettigrew's heart jumped to see his tall brown-haired son. (pg 19)

"Sounds hard," said Jemima. She had taken off the festive hat and her highlighted hair was escaping from its bun. Her head slumped toward her right shoulder, as if her thin neck was having difficulty holding it up. (pg 23)

"Bertie would want you to carry on," the Major replied, feeling a slight acid tone creep into his voice. He was sure the funeral had also been scheduled around available beauty appointments. She would want to make sure her stiff wave of yellow hair was freshly sculpted, and her skin toned or waxed--or whatever she did to achieve a face stretched like leather. (pg 10)

The following example reveals the character's dark hair, but also exposes the character's personality:

She drove like a man, aggressively changing gear into the turns, acclerating away, swinging the tiny Honda over the hills with relish. She had opened her window slightly and the rush of air blew ripples in her rose silk headscarf and tossed stray black locks of hair across her face. She brushed them away impatiently while gunning the car into a flying leap over a small humpbacked bridge. (pg13)

Simonson also writes nice similes and metaphors:

She had loud, ill-formed opinions and a north country accent that scraped the eardrum like a dull razor. (pg 5)

She was a butterfly to their scuffle of pigeons. (pg 8)

He could feel the blood flowing, slow as lava, through his body. (pg 12)

He held the promise of the ride home as if it were a small coal in his hand, to warm him in the dark press of the crowd. (pg 22)

Instead, it was almost as if his body contained a big pile of garden rubbish full both of heavy lumps of dirt and of sharp thorny brush that would stab him when he least expected it. (pg 35)

The dense hedge of privet, hawthorn, and beech swelled together as fat and complacent as medieval burghers. (pg 36)

The car's back seat seemed to mold itself around his thighs. The ceiling also curved close and pale. The sensation was of being a large baby riding in a rather luxurious pram. (pg 26)

These are just some examples of things I've liked so far. After all, I'm only on page 36, but I am impressed with Simonson's writing.

In particular, I love the way Simonson is developing the love story, but that's too much to write, so let me say that both the male and female love interest appear in the first two sentences of the book; he in the first, and she in the second. Plus, on page four, she helps him; on page five, he looks at her closely; on page seven, the two strike a common thread; on page eight, they express their awkwardness with one another, and by the bottom of that same page, he acknowledges to himself a notion to see her again outside their normal interactions; on page twelve, she comes to his rescue; on page thirteen, he allows that rescue; on page fifteen, they touch for the first time, when she takes his hand in hers, and he feels a warmth of emotion that causes him to feel confusion and temptation by page twenty-one, wherein he must make a decision he doesn't want to, leaving him without her until he can't stand it anymore, so that by page thirty-five he is plotting how he might casually run into her again. It's a slow build-up, but credible and natural.

The blurb on the front cover by The New York Times Book Review states, "[A] beautiful little love story...told with skill and humor." I'm looking forward to the rest of the book!